Independence

The act of being independent is in the form of an adjective : not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion,conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself. 


I have got myself wondering lately how independent I really am. Growing up, I was very independent and was completely fine being by myself. As a little girl, I was told, I would grab my blanket and go off on my own to play with my dolls or toys. I didn't need to be rocked to sleep like my brother did. Even as a teenager, my attitude followed suit. I was fine being with my friends or family, but I was also completely content reading a book or listening to music on my own. I think my parents often said I was always off in my own little world and kept to myself, but that hasn't since been the case. The older I get, the more dependent I feel I become. I think I became dependent on my family members and girlfriends throughout college, and now that I am married, I feel I am very dependent on Marcus. 


Marcus left today to Kansas for training for work and won't be home until Wednesday night. I realized I haven't been away from him since April when I went to Hallock for my spring break and he stayed here to work. Three months is a long time to be inseparable from someone, especially for me. I think my dependence has come from Marcus and I moving away from our families about a year ago. He has been the person I rely on for everything. I think that is how marriage is supposed to be, but to some extent I find myself wondering how much I am capable of doing on my own. In some way, I want to appear more independent than I feel, if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong, because I enjoy being around Marcus very much. We are usually always laughing when we're together and I am content just being by him. Like any other situation, I try to find the positive - and the only one I can think of is that maybe this is a good test for me. Marcus' new job allows him to travel and there are times when he could be gone for a week or so on a job site. Maybe this training is gearing me up for that - although, I will have a little one to take care of in the future :) 


I guess if I look on the bright side, I will possibly get a few walks in with Kdawg, and I can get some much needed cleaning done while he's away. Let's just hope this baby doesn't decide to make their appearance early - and by that I mean from now until Wednesday.. anytime after that would be fine with me ;)